His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
