do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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