I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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