I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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