one word: firstdatebathroomanal
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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