He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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