Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
