I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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