I wish life had little blips of pornography
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
