we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
