dude i'm inner monologue high
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
