Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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