I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
