If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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