dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
