haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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