my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
