Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
