I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
