i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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