Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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