my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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