Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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