Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
