Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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