at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
