so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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