grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
