your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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