I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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