I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
two words...techno handjob
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
