I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
