Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
