I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
