Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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