I showed him my bush... on skype.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
