the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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