Do you still have your period?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
