At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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