i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
