gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
