im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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