Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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