You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
