Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
