we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
