Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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