There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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