you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
