and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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