using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The air was thick with penises
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
