So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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